Ruperts Retreat

Last weekend was spent at Rupert Spira and Ellens home in Shropshire. Very lovely place-very lovely people. I always think that Rupert sparkles-his eyes shine and he seems to take great delight in communication. I love his London meetings, his absolute clear style of exploring and explaining, the nature of consciousness- his encouragement to enquire ever further, deeper, relentlessly. His way is satisfying and poetic and totally resonates.

The weekend was thorough, delving, stirring and shifting and friendships-well one in particular- were tested and forged stronger than before. This was a weekend of enquiry into non duality, the nature of consciousness which at times, expanded into literally trembling vastness and then settled to a more subtle all over love. Emotions wafted around, passed through, sometimes lost at sea but knowing that then settles to become buoyant love.

There is courage needed to allow this to happen, to go further, deeper. It seems the courage is there. Walking home down the street where I live on sunday night after an eventful journey home, there was only movement in the bigness and I felt panic rising. Sometimes it's seems so much to take and I momentarily wonder what on earth I've got myself into here. Why, I even bothered. Wouldn't life have been OK just carrying on as it was-was it so bad?

Of course, I know the answer, just at that those times, I long for the comfort of familiarity, all that I know and have always known, myself -or what i believed to be myself. It is a dichotomy. I brought this on, I know I did. It was literally a surrender, a readiness that said bring it on! I didn't know how it was going to be so there were no expectations, just a willingness to let go.

Sometimes, it's a struggle, the lost feeling is way more scary than anything else I've known-like being in the wilderness but it's just the outer layer which is making itself known-just what's niggling, maybe doubting. It's OK. It's a small price to pay. Lost and then found-and found is totally, completely IT.