i like i love

I like unmani. She's no nonsense-direct,down to it-with humour and care. She's right, it can be lonely, it is nakedness, vulnerability, it requires courage, wilingness to stand in this, time and time again. The thoughts may keep coming, patterns of thought, groups of thought but they have less and less power, become more and more distant and they are meaningless-like puffs of smoke from a cigarette. I see the thoughts, watch them,but this is stronger, what this is, what i am is prevalent, primary, the thoughts come and go within.

One man today at Unmani's Meeting in Not Knowing said he still wanted to hide and protect himself. I feel the opposite. I want to stand in the face of it and take whatever comes to get to naked truth. I like being hit hard by truth-it can be shattering, I want it to be shattering, going deeper and deeper into this. Now i know, i want to know more, i want be immersed in it completely. There's nothing to lose-no-one to lose it.

I like not knowing. I really like it-the pressure of having to know, feeling like you know or should know creates big problems-it is the problem. And the more people pretend to know, act like they know the more ludicous and removed they become-the more separated they are. This is a glorious, massive mystery. As a little person, it's impossible to compete with it, to hope to know and understand and conquer it. That creates misery.

I love the mystery. I'm in love with the mystery-i am the mystery along with all else...

TODAY

Of all the things that could be done today, this blog is what happened! I wanted to have somewhere to record the simple things-and some less simple things-that are noticed continually.

The recurring thing that cannot be overlooked is the understanding that it is this present presence that is primary. It is all. It is what is happening. It is all that is happening and it can't be ignored. It makes it tricky to make concrete plans-think too far ahead, recall back, in detail and be too concerned by what could/might/should/almost/didn't happen. I am engrossed in the bigness of now, with all the minute detail and am struck by things that would normally pass me by while lost in thought about something past or future. It presents some practical problems but at the same time, everything that needs to get done, somehow seems to happen without too much bother. Or maybe that's just how it seems-which is good enough.