NOTICED

This morning there were phonecalls from Customs & Excise and then Lloyds bank fraud department. What may have been alarming appeared not so. In fact, it seemed amusing and not real. The woman from C&E spoke very fast and informed me that they were missing accounts from 06/07 and 07/08. They were late, I could be fined, court orders, daily interest-didn't let me speak. I let her, listened and saw how easy it could be to be threatened and intimidated, flustered, worried and angered. There was none of this. The call was taken without any kind of emotional stirring and what I can only describe as no personal attachment-therefore there was no-one to be threatened.

Lloyds bank were being over cautious with debit card transactions, checking that they were mine. They were. Again, there was a feeling of the conversation not being real-like it was an improvisation-a made up piece of theatre that seemed believable but really wasn't real.

There is a danger of not taking things seriously because sometimes they seem ludicrous, just so silly and preposterous. Can I be too laid back-too unbothered or too laissez faire? It's not that things don't matter because some things do, it's just there is much less drama surrounding everything. It's seen differently.

Is it because the person who was at the centre of it all-me-Lesley -seems not be there, leading the show, making it happen, keeping it together? Instead, it all happens anyway and it's allowed to and it's observed, enjoyed and seen to be alright whatever it is because all things are going to arise in any manner. They just are-and seeing that-knowing that, allowing that and recognising it is a warm relief.